Scenes from a Nursing Home

I was visiting a patient on an Alzheimer's unit, which generally leads to talking to other residents while you are there.  It always ends up an interesting conversation, because as some of you know, people at this stage of illness talk about what they once knew, and cannot follow new conversations well. I'm going to lay out the scene, then explain the conversation.

One resident is a highly educated retired history professor, never married, tenured at a prestigious university.  She still enjoys intellectual discussions, though she often believes it is 1975.  The man in this conversation is in his 90's, and the Casanova of the group.  He is still able to walk with his walker, dresses in perfectly matched, tucked in clothing with matching belts and shoes, and his silver hair has likely been in the same style for 40 years.  This conversation occured one day after lunch:

Man:"Want to go to bed and have some fun?"
Woman: "Are you the maintenance man?"
Man:"I don't think so."
Woman: (to person in next wheelchair)"This is the plumber.  He is here to give a lecture on plumbing."
Man: "I am?"
Woman: "You are what?"
Man: "Here to lecture?"
Woman:"He is an esteemed professor here to give a guest lecture for my students.  He has several degrees and published works over the last 20 years.  He will be talking about The Civil War."
Man: "I am?"
Woman: "You have earned your credentials, don't be so humble.  People should respect your education.  Go on up there."
Man:(to lady in next wheelchair) "want to go to bed and have some fun?"
Woman:(to nurse)"Are you the guitar player?"

Introduction

I have worked in the health care field for several years,  as have my parents and 2 of my sisters.  I have had the opportunity to work with many many men and women who have been called to nursing (and some who were called to the paycheck) and have heard, told, and experienced many situations that we often say would make a good sitcom.  Unfortunately, with HIPPAA governing our every move, we have to be very careful what we say, how we say it, and to whom we say it.  That being said, people in general are a comedy, and I just want to be able to share some of our stories with people who will understand.  In our profession, gallows humor is predominant, so some people may be offended with some stories.  Anyone in a human services industry, though, will be right on board with these anecdotes: teachers, police officers, health care workers, social services,and any other field that works with the public as a whole probably have similar experiences, and you are welcome to send them in!  I hope this will give you some laughs, a break from your day, and maybe some reminders of your own years of service.  Thanks for reading!